Re-valuing listening skills

In our haste to offer solutions to others’ problems, we can be so preoccupied with wanting to respond that we don’t properly absorb what is being said. Even when we do pay careful attention, it is generally the words themselves on which we focus - yet it is often the gaps between them, rather than the words themselves, which can communicate the most. 

Strong speaking skills are valued in our society. There are numerous school debating awards, and public speaking competitions, for children as young as 8 years old (maybe younger). We encourage confidence in standing up and speaking to an audience. We encourage breadth of vocabulary. We encourage winning arguments.

But are we doing enough to inspire strong, deep, listening skills? 

Deep listening is the skill of registering the words, without judgement. Of removing the filter of our own biases, attitudes, feelings and life experiences. Of noticing what isn’t said, as much as what is. Of sensing what wants to flow, but can’t. 

There are plenty of scientific studies showing how our perception is shaped by our past experiences, with our brains filtering out information deemed unimportant. Our current educational models may be teaching children to listen in the same way, filtering out feelings and focusing on ‘facts’, concentrating on listening from the head rather than the body, absorbing words and interpreting them using our own filters. 

In an age when we need to foster greater connectedness with each other, as well as with the world around us, it seems to me we should be teaching listening from the whole body and all of our senses - tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, energy shifts and, perhaps most crucially, our intuition.